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The Questions You Asked Series… Q4/5

This question is part of a series, The Questions You Ask. I mean the responses to be short. If there is something you would like me to go more in depth on, please let me know. 

Today I am taking on two questions because they fit together too well to separate. That means the word count is a little higher but still meets the goal because I am under 500 words. 

Why do you think you are helping the community?

My gut response when I read this question was, “We don’t.” I was in a moment of frustration and mad at a couple of people I work with, and that blocked my ability to think clearly. That’s why I waited to respond to this question. 

I think we make a difference. It’s hard, though, to quantify the work that we do. William Bruce Cameron once said, “Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.”

I think this is true with any organization that works with people. We can give you numbers of involvement, but that doesn’t equate to difference made, that’s just the people involved. We may not know the impact we have had until way into the future, or maybe not even until the other side of resurrection. 

So the most honest answer is, I think so and I hope so.

Is there any proof that you are helping the community?

As I mentioned above, it’s difficult to quantify the work we do in a meaningful way. Here are some numbers and a couple of pieces of anecdotal evidence… 

During the 2019-2020 school year, we had over different 300 students involved in our weekly programs. Over 150 on a weekly basis. We had 2 dozen active volunteers. We took nearly 200 people on trips from Spring Break to Spring Break. Those are only the numbers we can track. We also substitute teach, coach sports, work with various committees and support and encourage many youth workers. The reach of our work is farther than we really understand. 

Twice in the last 6 years I have met with students that were on the verge of suicide and we were able to assist them in finding the help they needed. One is now a graduate of Purdue and doing incredible work. The other is a member of the US Airforce and serving our country. 

There are many other stories, but I limited my word count. 

To answer both questions succinctly… I hope and believe. Maybe? 

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The Questions You Asked Series… Q3.

This question is part of a series, The Questions You Ask. I mean the responses to be short. If there is something you would like me to go more in depth on, please let me know. 

In a messed up world (ie. poverty, etc.), how can we be leaders in a broken society?

There is a question, and a George Bernard Shaw quote that hangs over my desk…

What are the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of Lawrence County?

“Some men see things as they are and say, ‘Why?’ I dream of things that never were and say, ‘Why not?’” 

I believe this is where we begin, at least as leaders. Some will think it’s a waste of time or we aren’t solving the problems. We live in a complex world, if we react to the circumstances we end up throwing bandaids on issues and hoping, ultimately, they will heal themselves. 

Leaders will pause and look for the foundation or core of the problem. What is the greatest need? To use your example. Poverty is rampant in city “A”. The reactive response may be to create a shelter or meal center, both admirable works, but do they heal the problem that led to an epidemic of poverty? Is the real issue lack of jobs? Is it a sense of hopelessness? Is there a drug or alcohol problem that contributed to a higher level of poverty? Is poverty the issue or a symptom? 

To lead well, we have to dig down and find the source of the hurt, and from that place we begin the healing process. 

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The Questions You Asked Series… Q2.

This question is part of a series, The Questions You Ask. I mean the responses to be short. If there is something you would like me to go more in depth on, please let me know. 

“What has been the most interesting question you have had asked of you?”

I get asked questions all the time. I love questions, especially when they are honest questions that come from a place of garnering wisdom and understanding. One of the harder questions and, ultimately, interesting questions I have ever been asked is, “Why are you a Christian?” They asked me, then told me I had to respond in three sentences. The word limit made it difficult, but upped the ante on how interesting it was as a question. 

This was my response, though not personal, and it rings a bit cold. It is true and a starting point for deeper discussions elsewhere.

“To an honest observer, there is a substantial energy that moves our universe. The testimony of other observers and personal encounters leads me to believe that energy desires goodness. In Christian faith I find a name for that goodness and we define it in a clear fashion that intersects with the testimony of the other observers and myself—offering hope for yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”

Not the greatest or most profound response, I know. By way of compliment, my friend said, “Seemed C. S. Lewis like.” I’ve been called worse than C. S. Lewis like.   

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The Questions You Asked Series… Q1.

“How has God impacted your life today?”

This is a great question for me to wrestle with at this moment. I am currently a few days into a quarantine. Since I live alone and don’t have any pets, things can be pretty quiet in my world. It would be easy to just stay in bed and sleep through the remaining days of isolation, but I have chosen to get up and face each day and learn what I can learn. After all, there is a lot to read and a lot to write. Living inside also limits my ability to wax poetic about the wonders of nature or the spectacle of the stars. 

I am reminded of a quote by Henry David Thoreau, “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” 

Though my days are contained inside my house, at the moment, I am learning to be present. I am learning to find the joy of the mundane. In each moment I am learning to see the signature of God and who He is teaching me to be. 

In short, God has impacted my life today by showing me grace, mercy, and love. He has reminded me of places I need to learn and lean into him. Today I am a better man than I was yesterday and tomorrow I hope that is also true. 

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2 Wheels to See Something New

This post is from series I have been writing for myself called, Truth, Beauty, or Goodness.

We slept on air mattresses on the floor of a church the night before the big launch. When we got up the air was verging on cold and was crisp. We drove the last hour to our starting point, pulled the bikes from the truck and began to turn the cranks. Over the course of the next three days, the pedals would roll over enough to cover 150 miles. 

I have heard that many philosophers didn’t like trains when they first appeared because they moved too fast. The world has turned over many times since trains were first introduced and we have only gotten faster. In the hours we spent in the saddles of our bikes covering dozens of miles, we could have traveled hundreds in a car. 

Instead, we paused and joined the thinkers of the past. We slowed our pace and saw the world from a closer point of view. It allowed us to join the effort of the earth’s existence. We found a new rhythm in our breathing. We discovered the honesty of laughter born from mutual suffering. The heart of those hours was the discovery of people and the stories they offer. 

It was in the saddle a bike, legs pushed to their limit, mind worn from the effort, constant hunger from the calorie deficit, I was reminded of the depth of humanity. We are a single people struggling together, hoping for a pause in our suffering, yet finding joy in the common. The best we can do is reach out and offer what strength we have to help pull along old and new friends alike. 

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Afraid to Fear Less

Photo by Tonik on Unsplash

When I was a boy I was scared of the dark, in some ways I still am. I had an active imagination and lived in a house that was built during the Civil War and my room was one oldest rooms and I was not as tidy as I am now. I was also not a kid that ran to my parents when I got scared. I dealt with the fear in my own way. If I would wake up and find myself paralyzed by fear, I sang to myself. There was a chorus to a hymn that would ring in my head when in the moments of terror. “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, there’s just something about that name. Kings and kingdoms will all pass away, but there’s something about that name.” The number of times I would sing it through was in direct proportion of how scared I was. Given enough time and enough play throughs of those lines and I would eventually fall back to sleep.  

In the course of my life I would learn there are worse things than the dark, and I am grateful that I have not had to experience much worse that those nights of trauma decades ago. On some level, fear plays a role in all our lives. During this pandemic, fear has seized our world. People fear sickness, and even more they fear the potential of death that sickness brings. Some use fear trying to control behavior, which works for a while, but people become exhausted by fear mongering and stop paying attention, except for some that struggle with anxiety. There are longer term, healthier ways to motivate people to action, like honesty and love, but that is for another day. Fear is a reality for all of us, from the brave to the coward, but it doesn’t have to rule our lives. It can serve its purpose and we can grow because of it. 

What is fear?

Fear is a powerful emotion stirred by a sense of danger. Being scared triggers the fight-or-flight instinct, this impulse is fear. It releases a chemical called adrenaline into our bodies and it floods the hypothalamus and amygdala (the impulse part of our brain). Our sense heighten, our heart races, muscles tighten and our body prepares for action. (For more detail on what happens in your body during the fear response visit link 1 at the bottom.)

The Sources of Fear

What we fear differs from person-to-person. As a child I feared the dark, as an adult the things I fear are more ideas and concepts, creations in my mind. There are certain prayers I fear praying because of what it might mean. I have friends that are terrified of snakes, water, or a particular person. Everyone has something that at the least makes them feel uneasy. Jerry Seinfeld once joked, “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” 

As varied as our fears are they can be boiled down to two primary sources.  

The unknown and a lack of Control.

We don’t know what is around the corner, and our heart races. We see a shadow through our window and will call the police to come check our house. Not knowing causes the tense physiological changes associated with fear. 

Lack of control with things like the Coronavirus Pandemic… I can’t do anything about how other people are responding, my blood-pressure rises because of the anxiety of people not following the stay-at-home guidance. 

Fear isn’t bad; sustained fear is…

Fear in a moment can be a good thing. Fears heightened awareness can help you avoid the car accident in front of you. It stops you from grabbing the venomous snake when you’re out for a hike. Momentary fear protects from walking down the dark alley when you’re out too late.  

Sustained fear, also known as anxiety, is destructive. This state of being leave your body in that hyperaware mode. It’s hard on your heart and your emotional wellbeing. Prolonged fear can lead to damage to your body. Headaches, dizziness, and depression are some neurological results. Increased blood pressure, heart palpitation, chest pain, digestive issues, and a suppressed immune system are byproducts of a perpetual state of fear or anxiety. (Visit link 2 for more on fears effects.) 

How do we respond to fear?

As fear has kind of run the world for the past few months we there have been some great quotes surfacing from various places. One of those came from Mark Twain, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” There is so much in fear that we can’t control and if we let it, those unknowns overwhelm us. Here are a few ways you can battle the fear and keep it from turning to anxiety.

  • Be thankful. It may seem trite, but there is truth to it. When we express gratitude we come down from our fear pedestal and start focusing on what is there instead of what may or may not be in our future. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
  • Share your burden. We are rarely if ever alone in our fear. Some people in the world are better equipped to respond to the burden. Share it because we should not wrestle alone. “Bear one another’s burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 
  • Accept what you can’t change. Easier said than done… Write it down, say it out loud, “This is beyond my control, I can do nothing with it so I won’t carry this burden.” “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Psalm 118:6
  • Hand over control. Much like acceptance, stop trying to control the situation. You need to hand it over to someone that can respond to it. If it’s beyond your grasp of ability, let someone else step in on your behalf. “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
  • Look to a constant. This is the hardest because our world is in constant flux. There is one who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He loves you and wants you to lean in with your fear. Jesus is big enough and strong enough to carry your burden. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

Fear gets to us all at some point, but it doesn’t have to win. My hope for us all is that tomorrow we fear less.

1. http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/what-happens-brain-feel-fear-180966992/

2. https://www.healthline.com/health/anxiety/effects-on-body#6

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The Abandoned Generations

“The young have not arrogantly turned their backs on the adult world. Rather, they have been forced by a personal sense of abandonment to band together and create their own world – separate, semisecret, and vastly different from the world around them.”   –Chap Clark, Hurt 2.0

Every day you wake up… You are told that you are weak. You are told you are selfish. You are told that you need to grow up – yet few if any are willing to guide you in the process. There is a point you begin to withdraw and the rift between you and the people speaking to you grows wider. For those in the Millennial and iGen generations this is the sense of abandonment they live in daily. 

Every generation thinks the one that follows their’s is somehow worse. Our great-grandparents said it, our grandparents said, our parents said it, we say it, and the generations after us will say it, “When I was a kid…” Though there are some significant differences between the generations. The Greatest Generation, Boomers, Busters, and Xer’s lived in a smaller more self-contained world than either Millennials or iGen. 

 For Millennials and iGen, 83% will graduate high school (NCEE). After graduation, they can join the military, go to work, go to college (we will not list the options under this heading), take a gap year, or some will even choose to become famous. Then in their romantic life, they have the high school sweetheart (statistically this will not last), a college sweetheart, a co-worker, the church singles ministry, the bar scene, various dating websites, or choosing to live single in small platonic communities. It is a different world that is terrifying and diverse and decision fatigue is real. Because it is overwhelming, those who are older can be intimidated and therefore abandon the perplexing younger generations with phrases like, “Just make a decision…, What’s your problem…, When I was your age I knew exactly what I was going to do.” All well meaning but not helpful.

The two youngest generations have been left to fend for themselves, because they are viewed as, indecisive or “overly emotional.” We want them to grow up, but we don’t offer them any help in moving toward adulthood. In some cases, parents decide to move toward being their teenagers friend, when right now teenagers need their parents to teach them how to be a “grown-up.” Your children learn how to make decisions and participate in the world by watching parents and listening to them. 

As parents step up and move from being friends to being adults in front of their kids, the rest of us need to stop running away from those younger than us. We can learn from them. 

The Apostle Paul wrote to his young mentee Timothy, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12 NIV) 

Millennials and iGen, are generations of compassion. They desire to make the world a better place. They will look past differences faster (in general) than many that came before. They have a high desire to serve. Again motivated by their sense of compassion these generations long to help people, but they do not always know how, they need adults who will come along side them and help them find healthy ways to expend this service energy. As teenagers there is a limited sense of inhibition, that gift, will allow young people to tackle projects many of us find too hard, again they need us to step in beside them and offer guidance, but if we will point the vibrance of youth in the right direction they can accomplish incredible feats. 

Adolescent researcher Chap Clark writes of, “five strategies to turn the tide of systemic abandonment,” as parents, youth workers, educators, and community leaders we would do well for, the young current and future generations, to lean into these five ideas…

  • Those who work with youth should be trained in shifting youth culture. 
  • Those who serve adolescents must work together.
  • Those who serve adolescents must understand youth and provide boundaries.
  • Parents need to be equipped and encouraged to parent the changing adolescent.
  • Communities must make sure that each student has a few adult advocates who know and care for them. 

Together we can remember and celebrate the generations that have gone before and hopefully do the same for the newest generations as well. Let us not abandon the young but  be people that help them grow.

(This was first published as an article for the Times Mail.)

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People I Would Like to Meet – Part 2

It’s time for the second half of my list of people I find interesting and would like to meet. Again, these are not ordered.  They were randomly assembled and written in that order; I didn’t even bother alphabetizing them. The only rules for my list are the people must still be alive, so there is a chance for me to meet them. As of writing all of these people are still with us. Like part 1 I expect there will be a few, of which, most readers have never heard. 

Here’s a quick review of Part 1 – Isaquis Queivoz Dos Santos, Ellen DeGeneres, Malcolm Gladwell, Eminem, Jerry Seinfeld, N.T. Wright, Al Sharpton, Allison Fisher, Anne Lamott, and Questlove. 

In the second half of this post let’s start with someone everyone knows and everyone wants to meet…

Betty White – She is 98 years old and still makes people laugh. I first knew of Betty through, The Golden Girls (her TV career started in the 30s). I would laugh at the delightful, naïve, innocent Rose. Years later she made a guest appearance on one of my favorite shows, Community. As we learned in the first half, I have soft-spot for people that make me laugh. 

Chris Rock – Chris is an amazing performer… He has the special gift of helping us see deeply serious issues in a way that makes us believe we can be better as people. He makes us laugh and recognize how flawed we are as humans while we laugh. I don’t connect with all his humor, but that’s fine by me, I can hear and sense the passion behind it. The passion is what makes Chris Rock most interesting to me. 

Mike Pilavachi – Until a little over a year before writing this, I had never heard of Mike Pilavachi. Then a friend sent me a link to a livestream of a conference where Mike was speaking. As Mike wrapped up his sermon he invited the audience to be quiet and asked the band not to play — he wanted stillness. Then Mr. Pilavachi said one of the most profound things I have ever heard. (This is a bit of a paraphrase…) “We are going to sit and wait for God to show up and meet with us. Why wouldn’t He want to meet with us?” It was the second half that grabbed me. Why wouldn’t He want to meet with us? It’s so true. God loves us, He will show up. Soon after I read one of Mike’s books and, as I finished the last page, I knew I had to meet Mike Pilavachi. I want to ask a simple question… Will you tell me about Jesus?

Alex Honnald – Alex is a big deal right now. The movie about his ascent of El Capitan, Free Solo, was huge hit. He’s been on the cover of countless magazines and lots of TV interviews. It’s not the celebrity I want to meet though. I want to sit with the guy that lives as a dirtbag, in and out of a van to make the early morning climbs. I want to hear from the man that climbed dozens of walls to celebrate his birthday. Then I want to talk about fear. Alex doesn’t process fear like most of us do. I want to hear what it’s like to stand at the edge of death and look at it with calm. 

Desmond Tutu – Serving as the Anglican Bishop of Johannesburg and Archbishop of Cape Town make him interesting enough. His tireless work for the people of South Africa, his willingness to endure extreme criticism from everyone, and, above all else, his work to end apartheid add layers of character to this gentleman. However, it was a story I hear about Bishop Tutu that was most intriguing to me. I don’t really know if it was legend or truth, but the tale says he stood down a tank to end violent conflict among those he considered his people. That is a gentleness that could overwhelm the world. 

Brené Brown – If you have read anything about leadership, emotional development, vulnerability, being in community, learning from failure, and a host of other areas, then you have at least seen the name of Dr. Brown. She is a brilliant mind that humanity can learn a lot from. Her book, Daring Greatly, was impactful for me. I have often quoted her work on vulnerability and our need to share life. The world could use a reset guided in part by some of her thoughts. 

Rob Bell – Several years ago Rob fell out of acceptability with the conservative church. The response was understandable but more reactive than loving. It was such an intense response some would question my including him on this list, since I am more theologically conservative. I still think Rob is an interesting person who has value and I would love to meet him someday and talk with him. Most interesting to me, though, is his ability as a communicator. Rob is an engaging speaker and accessible writer. That has been part of his success even after he became an “exile.” He connects with people… Him standing on stage and us out in the audience, it feels like he is talking to each individual not the masses. That is a special gift. 

Lewis Hamilton – It was just a few years ago when I started paying attention to F1 racing. I needed a team and a driver to give my fandom to. There was a new team entering the mix and they had a young driver that was showing some promise. I went for it and decided I would be a Mercedes fan. Turned out I picked a winner. Within a couple of years they would become the powerhouse team on the F1 circuit, led by an amazing young driver, Mr. Lewis Hamilton. A few short seasons later, he was quickly rising to become one of the greatest drivers of all time. He has the second highest all-time wins record behind the legend Michael Schumacher (84, 91 respectively). At 35 years old he still has plenty of time to race. 

Frank Zane – Mr. Zane is not a tall man, but he did stand as a giant on top of the mountain we call Mr. Olympia. He was crowned best in the world, among the best in history, three times. Frank has been nominated several times by multiple organizations as having the greatest physique ever. He had a build that I only dream of having (and in his 70s probably is still built better than I am). Not only was Mr. Zane a tremendous bodybuilder, he’s smart and nice, too. He has a degree in Chemistry, which he taught for several years, and a masters in experimental psychology. In the handful of emails I have exchanged with him, he has always been encouraging and helpful. 

Richard Branson – Mr. Branson is last on my list (again there is no order to the list, everyone is randomly placed) but certainly not least. Richard Branson is probably at the top of most list of interesting people to meet. He’s not your typical rich guy. He doesn’t like to wear suits. He doesn’t like to stay in one place for long and he’ll give things a go when no one else will. It’s not just that he is a rich guy either, he is an adventurer, family man, humanitarian, advocate for addicts, and philanthropist. He travels the globe challenging himself to live deeper and he thrills in bringing others into the journey with him. Do you need more than that to be worth meeting?

As I close this two part series, who are the people you would like to meet. Are there any on my list you had not thought of but know you are?

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People I Would Like to Meet – Part 1

People are fascinating to me. The way we think and function in this world, reason or lack of reason for action. Humanity is an infinite curiosity. In many ways we are like the Hobbits in Gandalf’s eyes, “Hobbits really are amazing creatures, as I have said before. You can learn all that there is to know about their ways in a month, and yet after a hundred years they can still surprise you at a pinch (J. R. R.  Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring).” 

Up to this point in my life I have had the privilege of meeting many amazing people that have done incredible things. I’ve even met a few famous people along the way, authors, astronauts, pro wrestlers, politicians and an Oscar Nominated actor. It doesn’t really matter to me if someone is famous, to me they are all just people that are recognized by more people than most others. 

Over the next couple of post I am going to give you a list of twenty “famous” people I would like to meet and talk with for a while. The list is in no particular order I just sat down a few weeks ago and wrote out some people I think would be interesting. I don’t carry the same worldview as many of them, that’s okay I think we could still be friends because I really enjoy people that don’t see everything the way I do — it keeps me growing and humble.

I’ll give you a sentence or two as to why I would like to meet them and down in the comments you can tell me someone you would like to meet and why. 

Without further ado…

Isaquis Queivoz Dos Santos – It is unlikely that many, if anyone that reads this will have heard of this power house of a man, but he is one of the top sprint canoeist in the world. He paddles for Brazil and speaks only Portuguese, so I would need to meet a translator as well. If you know my love of canoeing you will understand why Dos Santos is on my list. 

Ellen DeGeneres – Ellen makes the list because I think she is one of the funniest people on the planet. I love being around people that laugh easily and help others do the same. She is a genuinely kind hearted person as well. Kind and funny is a great combination. 

Malcolm Gladwell – I would need an extended period of time with Mr. Gladwell. I imagine there would be several cups of tea required for us to cover all the ground we could. I don’t know where the conversation would start but I would love to sit and listen to anything he had to say on any subject. 

Eminem – If I am most honest I am not a fan of Hiphop, but I have always found Eminem to be interesting. He is a true rags to riches story and most interesting of all, from what I can tell, he is among the hardest working people in the industry and he is still putting out top level stuff. 

Jerry Seinfeld – If I was to order this list Jerry would be in the top three, maybe even number 1. Again I love being around funny people and he is one of the funniest. I had the privilege of seeing Seinfeld live and I was amazed, it didn’t feel like an act. It felt like I was sitting at the kitchen table listening to my funniest friend tell stories for 90 minutes. I made the 4 hour drive home floating. Couple his comedy with his work ethic and sharp mind and you have a person I would love to spend a day riding around in a car and getting coffee with (and I hate coffee). 

N.T. Wright – Arguably, among the smartest people on my list. Tom, as his friends call him (humor me I want to be his friend), is a brilliant Jesus scholar from the conservative branch of theology. He thinks at a level well beyond average and yet he can relay those thoughts in a way anyone could understand. Like Gladwell, I don’t know where the conversation would start… I would likely say something along the lines of, “You start talking about Jesus and as things come to me I will ask questions.” There would also be large volumes of tea consumed in this meeting as well. 

Al Sharpton – To be honest I don’t know much about Mr. Sharpton. What I do know gets him on my list. He has long been on the front lines of the Civil Rights/Social justice movement and that makes him interesting enough and would definitely be part of the conversation… It was an episode of The Moth Podcast several years ago that put him on my radar. Al Sharpton is a magnificent story teller and communicator. I was wrapped listening to him share a memory from his early days in the Civil Rights movement. I would be thrilled to meet anyone that can speak with that much passion. 

Allison Fisher –  Like Dos Santos few people will know who Allison Fisher is unless they spend their lives watching “obscure” sports on ESPN. Allison is among the greatest pool players ever. I mean that exactly as I said it, not one of the greatest females, simply one of the greatest ever to play the game. I stumbled across her when I was in college, up late, studying. I was taking a break and flipping through channels when I came across people playing pool. She was playing the number 5 ranked woman in the world and ran the table five straight racks. It was amazing. It would be a lot of fun to play a round of 8-ball with her, but Ms. Fisher would have to let me break so I had a chance to touch the cue ball. 

Anne Lamott – Simply put, in the world of writing Anne is my spirit animal. I picked up Bird by Bird and loved it and felt encouraged in my own writing. Then I read excerpts form various books and some of her articles and watched her delightful TED Talk. Her writing will make you laugh and pull at your heart strings at the same time. She makes you want to believe in the potential of humanity. I don’t even need to meet her –– to simply have her read something I wrote and honestly say, “Good job!” would probably make me weak in the knees. Though I would also enjoy sharing a mug of tea with her as well. 

Our final entry for part one is again someone I don’t know a lot about, but that makes him even more interesting to me… 

Questlove – If you watch The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon you know of Quest, that might be enough for some people to want to meet him, but not me, that’s not even the most interesting thing he has done. In addition to being a drummer and joint frontman for The Roots, Quest is also a record producer and wrote a best selling book on Creativity called, Creative Quest. Much like funny people I love being around creative people. 

If any of you ever stumble across this list and want to have lunch reach out I am sure we can make it happen. 

For everyone else… What do you think of part 1? 

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Change…

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

My alarm sounded and I climbed out of the top bunk I had slept in since I was seven. It wasn’t a typical day but I did all the typical things that formed the routine I kind of had. I showered and got dressed and then waited for Mom and Dad to say it was time to go.

The moment came, and as I walked out the back door of our farm house I told myself I wouldn’t look back. As I walked I looked straight ahead and when I climbed into the front seat of the van I closed my eyes until the house was behind me. I wouldn’t look back. My whole world was changing and I was  terrified but certain I was going to embrace the future.

In my immature eighteen year old brain I had just spent my last night in my parents house. I was heading to college and it was the end of an era in my life. I would never come home again.

I was gone for a month before I was home for a weekend and in the same bed I had slept in for years. I spent a lot of nights in that same bed for several more years as I faced a lot of change.

When I was younger I didn’t like change. That day leaving for college wasn’t thrilling. I still don’t go looking for change but I accept it when it arrives and sometimes I do seek it out.

I’m not alone either. Our culture is full of sayings, “The good old days…, I remember when…, I wish it could be like it used to be.” They are all notions built on our feeling that change is the enemy.

I wonder what it is that makes change so hard… Is it the fear of the future? We don’t know what is coming or if we will be able to handle whatever it is. We can. We have a whole life time behind us that says we can endure what is coming. We never knew what was ahead of us but we still made it. You didn’t know you would struggle in school. You didn’t know you would have an addiction that would steal a piece of your life, but you’re still here. Someone could have told you, “You’re going to be an amazing mom,” and you laughed at them — but now you are loved by your children. We didn’t know, and yet we made the future our present.

I think the pain of change is more about what we are losing. Where the future is unwritten, the past and present we know and we are comfortable with them. I know how to respond to what has already happened to me. If you start changing things, I’m going to lose things — stability, comfort, an excuse. If things change then I may hurt or someone I know may hurt.

We are a people that avoid pain at all cost, but we shouldn’t. Pain reminds us there is life and it is worth living and worth fighting for.

Here is some advice for the seasons or moments of change…

Don’t go it alone. We were not meant to be lone wolves; we are communal creatures and humanity would be better served if we lived that way. Speak out your fears and the things you will mourn in the midst of the disruption. Share each others burdens.

Don’t let anger rule the day. Change is going to happen. As the old saying goes, you never enter the same river twice. Anger is wasted energy in the world of change, because anger rarely makes things better, it clouds our perceptions and feeds our fears.

Do look for reasons to be excited. The fact that tomorrow will be different from today should stir our sense of adventure. Tomorrow is a chance to make something new, or build on a stronger foundation.

Do invite someone to share in your delight. As Paulo Coelho wrote, “Happiness is something that multiplies when it is divided.”

We only pass through this life once and change is part of the process.