“The young have not arrogantly turned their backs on the adult world. Rather, they have been forced by a personal sense of abandonment to band together and create their own world – separate, semisecret, and vastly different from the world around them.” –Chap Clark, Hurt 2.0
Every day you wake up… You are told that you are weak. You are told you are selfish. You are told that you need to grow up – yet few if any are willing to guide you in the process. There is a point you begin to withdraw and the rift between you and the people speaking to you grows wider. For those in the Millennial and iGen generations this is the sense of abandonment they live in daily.
Every generation thinks the one that follows their’s is somehow worse. Our great-grandparents said it, our grandparents said, our parents said it, we say it, and the generations after us will say it, “When I was a kid…” Though there are some significant differences between the generations. The Greatest Generation, Boomers, Busters, and Xer’s lived in a smaller more self-contained world than either Millennials or iGen.
For Millennials and iGen, 83% will graduate high school (NCEE). After graduation, they can join the military, go to work, go to college (we will not list the options under this heading), take a gap year, or some will even choose to become famous. Then in their romantic life, they have the high school sweetheart (statistically this will not last), a college sweetheart, a co-worker, the church singles ministry, the bar scene, various dating websites, or choosing to live single in small platonic communities. It is a different world that is terrifying and diverse and decision fatigue is real. Because it is overwhelming, those who are older can be intimidated and therefore abandon the perplexing younger generations with phrases like, “Just make a decision…, What’s your problem…, When I was your age I knew exactly what I was going to do.” All well meaning but not helpful.
The two youngest generations have been left to fend for themselves, because they are viewed as, indecisive or “overly emotional.” We want them to grow up, but we don’t offer them any help in moving toward adulthood. In some cases, parents decide to move toward being their teenagers friend, when right now teenagers need their parents to teach them how to be a “grown-up.” Your children learn how to make decisions and participate in the world by watching parents and listening to them.
As parents step up and move from being friends to being adults in front of their kids, the rest of us need to stop running away from those younger than us. We can learn from them.
The Apostle Paul wrote to his young mentee Timothy, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12 NIV)
Millennials and iGen, are generations of compassion. They desire to make the world a better place. They will look past differences faster (in general) than many that came before. They have a high desire to serve. Again motivated by their sense of compassion these generations long to help people, but they do not always know how, they need adults who will come along side them and help them find healthy ways to expend this service energy. As teenagers there is a limited sense of inhibition, that gift, will allow young people to tackle projects many of us find too hard, again they need us to step in beside them and offer guidance, but if we will point the vibrance of youth in the right direction they can accomplish incredible feats.
Adolescent researcher Chap Clark writes of, “five strategies to turn the tide of systemic abandonment,” as parents, youth workers, educators, and community leaders we would do well for, the young current and future generations, to lean into these five ideas…
- Those who work with youth should be trained in shifting youth culture.
- Those who serve adolescents must work together.
- Those who serve adolescents must understand youth and provide boundaries.
- Parents need to be equipped and encouraged to parent the changing adolescent.
- Communities must make sure that each student has a few adult advocates who know and care for them.
Together we can remember and celebrate the generations that have gone before and hopefully do the same for the newest generations as well. Let us not abandon the young but be people that help them grow.
(This was first published as an article for the Times Mail.)